so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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