The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
