God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize