I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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