hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
