atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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