I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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