I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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