I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
