Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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