I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating