i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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