I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.