i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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