I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
