I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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