They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
