You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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