Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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