She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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