so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
