Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
