He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
