a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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