if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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