It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
