Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so that wasnt chicken after all
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
