Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
