Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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