I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
