you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
