So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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