just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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