Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
