did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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