U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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