i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
