It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Randomize
