I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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