theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
