How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
