i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize