I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
