There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
