She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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