I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
