yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
