I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
