i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
