another moral hangover. fuck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
