That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just blew my weed a kiss
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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