after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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