So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
