Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
