I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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