I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
