Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
