you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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