hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
