chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
