how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
