You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
