I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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