i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need a beard to bite.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way