I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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