i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?