Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.