I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches