please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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