Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I party with great urgency now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
