She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
