I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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