The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
