this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
