Got a toothbrush?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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