My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
