be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize