WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
