i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
