On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
