Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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