the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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