come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
